Bonus Story: R.I.P. 2016


The New Year’s Eve Ball reached the bottom and everyone cheered.

“Thank God it’s finally 2017.” Lisa said. “I don’t think I could have stood another celebrity death.”

“We lost so many.” David added. “Prince, Robin Williams, and David Bowie.”

“Don’t forget Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, and the kid who was on the new Star Trek Movies.” Lisa said.

“What about the dad from Growing Pains?” Jodie added. “I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I loved the dad from Growing Pains!” Carly said. “Fuck you 2016!”

“2016 also took Muhammed Ali, Arnold Palmer, and R2D2.” David said.

“R2D2? What about princess Leia?” Lisa said. “George Michael and Doris Roberts too.”

“And the Mom from the Brady Bunch.” Jodie added.

‘I loved the Mom from the Brady Bunch.” Carly said. “Fuck you 2016!”


The coverage of New York Times Square cut over to the local news.


“And just as we are all ready to get rid of 2016,” the news anchor said. “It would seem that 2017 had already claimed its first victim… 2016.”


The room fell silent for a minute as the stunned faces looked at the TV in disbelief.


“I can’t believe it.” David said. “2017 has barely started and it’s already killed someone.”


“Yeah,” Lisa added. “It seemed like we hardly knew 2016.”


“It was so young,” Jodie added. “It had so much more to live for.”


“This going to make me really sad.” Carly said as she whipped out her phone. “For a long time.”


She posted to all of her social media accounts so that her friends, family, and stalkers could see how distressed she was.


“I Loved 2016! Fuck you, 2017!”



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